The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize