Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
