so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize