you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
