Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
