Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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