what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
