I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize