This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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