apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
