Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
