My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
