You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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