i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
