Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
