did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
