All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
