thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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