Dude my mom stole all your condoms
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
