It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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