went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize