What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
