i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
