I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
