Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
