i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize