What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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