I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
