He asked to "fluff my boner.."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
