Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
