that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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