After last night, I could never be a politician.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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