it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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