My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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