Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
