dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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