Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
