Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is it because I queefed?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You were trust falling into bushes
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