Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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