Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
