We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
