i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
