i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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