Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
