Do you still have your period?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
