i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
