I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
