I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
