My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
