She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
