Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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