Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
