The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
