I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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