Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
