Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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