Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
