So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
