i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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