I am spending my child support on dildos
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
