Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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