I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
