I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
