i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
