your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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