If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
