I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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