i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
